Task/Goal

Performable

Life Competency

1. Break through denial

Make a full disclosure to therapist all forms of sexual acting out.  Complete a list of examples of powerlessness and unmanageability.

Recognize self delusion.

2. Understand the nature of the illness.

Read at least one book on sexual addiction/anorexia.  Complete the First Step.  Complete a Sexual History.  Complete a Consequences Inventory.

Have knowledge of Addiction and Recovery.

3.  Surrender to the Process.

Complete a Second Step and Third Step.

Know personal limits.

4.  Admit damage from behavior.

Write a Damage Control Plan and implement it.

Be a expert in self care, crisis avoidance and crisis management.

5.  Establish Sobriety.

Write a Sobriety Statement.  Complete a Celibacy Contract of eight weeks or more.  Write a Relapse Prevention Plan.  Complete Fantasy Contamination Exercise.

Manage life without dysfunctional sexual behavior.

6.  Ensure Physical Integrity.

Complete a physical exam.

Be an expert in physical self care.

7.  Participate in a culture of support.

Attend Twelve Step sex addiction meetings regularly.  Attend other Twelve Step meetings as appropriate.

Build a functional health support system.

8.  Reduce Shame.

Complete Step 4 and Step 5.

Recognize and manage toxic shame.

9.  Grief Losses.

Define clear grieving strategies and use them.

Recognize grief and have skills for grieving.

10.  Understand multiple addictions and sobriety.

Complete an Addiction Interaction Disorder screen.  Complete a Multiple Addiction Relapse Prevention Plan.

Remain relapse free from all concurrent addictions.

11.  Acknowledge cycles of abuse.

Complete Survivors weeks.  Complete Abuse Inventory.

Identify abuse and exploitation.

12.  Bring closure and resolution to addiction shame.

Complete Step Eight and Step Nine.

Keep current on shame, resentment and relationship issues.

13.  Restore financial viability.

Save within financial means (spend less than earned).  Work Recovery financial plan.

Maintain financial viability.

14.  Restore meaningful work.

Establish a meaningful career path.

Have meaningful works.

15.  Create lifestyle balance.

Use a Personal Craziness Index for 8 weeks.

Live in balance and harmony.

16.  Build supportive personal relationships.

Find and use a sponsor.  Attend therapy group for 175 hours.  Be a sponsor to others.

Initiate and sustain enduring life relationships.

17.  Establish healthy exercise and nutrition patterns.

Have a weekly aerobic exercise pattern.  Remain in appropriate weight range for age and height.

Stay physically fit.

18.  Restructure relationship with self.

Complete eighteen months of individual therapy.  Clarify boundaries goals and needs.

Have a workable, compassionate relationship with self in order to be self-determining and autonomous.

19.  Resolve original conflict wounds.

Do therapy specific to family of origin or trauma issues.

Identify and manage recurring dysfunctional patterns.

20.  Restore healthy sexuality.

Write a sex plan and keep it updated.

Have sexual health.

21.  Involve family members in therapy.

Family members attend Family Week.  Family members attend therapy sessions.

Capacity to ask help from immediate family.

22.  Alter dysfunctional family relationships.

Full disclosure to primary partner and immediate family as appropriate.

Remain true to self in the presence of dysfunction.

23.  Commit to recovery for each family member.

Family members enter a recovery program for themselves.

Take responsibility for self.

24.  Resolve issues with children.

Share secrets and make amends to children when appropriate.

Resolve conflict in dependent relationships.

25. Resolve issues with extended family.

Share secrets and make amends to extended family when appropriate.

Resolves conflict in interdependent relationships.

26. Work through differentiation.

Write a “Fair Fight” contract.

Sustain intimacy without loss of self.

27.  Recommit/commit to primary relationship.

Commit to a primary relationship, or recommit to primary relationship.

Capacity to maintain a committed relationship.

28.  Commit to coupleship.

Attend Twelve Step meeting for couples regularly.

Participate in a community of couples.

29.  Succeed in primary intimacy.

Have a primary relationship which is satisfying.

Be vulnerable and intimate.

30. Develop a spiritual life.

Find and use a spiritual director or mentor.  Join a spiritual community.

Be spiritual conscious.